Lesson 4
ON PATTERNS
In order to transcend our narrow perimeter, we must first explore its boundaries. Our first step is to examine its patterns.
Normally, the repertoire of my thoughts, emotions and behaviors is limited. It covers only a small portion of the vast repertoire of human possibilities. In this sense my repertoire is limited to specific types, in other words, to specific patterns.
A pattern implies structure. It means that my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are not a heap of arbitrary items, but they relate to each other in some particular ways.
The simplest kind of pattern is repetition. An example is when a person finds every opportunity to argue with others. He keeps doing the same thing.
But often a pattern is more complicated. It may consist of various kinds of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors which are connected through a common theme. For example, if I like to wear flashy clothes, and enjoy shocking people with my outrageous remarks, and feel bored when I am by myself, and fantasize of being a movie star, then those different points revolve around a common theme: I seek to be the object of other people’s attention.
It is sometimes objected that emotional or behavioral patterns are not a topic for philo-sophia but for psychology. But this is incorrect. Detecting a pattern is neither philosophical nor psychological—it is simply observing the facts. The difference between philo-sophia and psychology is in what we do with the observed pattern. If, for example, we search for the emotional mechanism that produces this pattern, then we are probably doing psychology. But alternatively, we may use the pattern in order to examine the person’s conception of the world—her way of understanding himself, her philosophy of life. We are then doing philo-sophia.
Example
Miriam is a university student. She is a little shy, but sweet and friendly. And yet, strangely, she doesn’t have any good friends.
Several students would say the same thing about her: When you first meet her, she is charming. Her smiles are magical, and her intimate voice makes you feel as if she is totally with you. And indeed, she is glad to listen to you, to help, and to encourage. You then think that she has taken a special interest in you, and that you are going to be great friends. But then a strange thing happens: You find that it is impossible to get closer to her. She continues to be nice and helpful, but she finds all kinds of excuses to avoid meeting you too often.
Laura, a classmate, was hurt by Miriam’s behavior. She asked Miriam directly why she was avoiding her. Miriam felt very bad for hurting Laura, and apologized profusely. And for the next three weeks she tried to make up: She would sit next to Laura in class, go out with her to the cafeteria, and be even sweeter than usual. But soon the relationship started boring her. At the end of the month she was again avoiding Laura.
Another classmate, Amy, reacted to Miriam more aggressively. She confronted her directly, raised her voice and accused her of betrayal. A polite, indifferent smile appeared on Miriam’s face. “What a bore,” she said to herself. “She isn’t worth the trouble,” and erased her from her heart.
When we examine this story, we note a common pattern connecting the various episodes: Miriam is a conqueror: She conquers the hearts of people around her. She cares for them, but only when they are not too close, because deep relationships do not interest her. And when a conquest is impossible (as in the case of Amy), she loses interest. In short, her pattern seems to be that of a collector of hearts.
A philosophical process can explore this apparent pattern in greater detail, examine more fully how it is expressed in Miriam’s everyday life, how it is connected to other patterns, and what conception (‘theory’ or ‘worldview’) it expresses.
In philosophical practice
In philosophical counselingwe start by investigating the counselee’s perimeter, and in order to do so we begin by exploring her patterns—emotional, behavioral, cognitive. (This will later enable the counselee to examine her conceptions, and then go beyond them.)
But a common temptation arises here. The counselee often comes to the counseling with a specific problem: a dilemma at work, a marital difficulty, dissatisfaction with herself, etc. The counselor is often tempted to seek solutions.
From the perspective of the present approach, this is a mistake. The philosophical counselor is not a marriage therapist and not a career counselor. Her task is not to solve problems, but to guide the counselee on a journey of self-exploration. And a good starting point is noting the facts: how the person behaves, thinks, and feels—in other words, patterns.
The following example will illustrate this point:
George, a computer programmer, comes to the counselor complaining that things aren’t going well at work.
“Work is no longer fun,” he says. “The new manager watches what everybody is doing. He is demanding. And I don’t feel easy and natural anymore. I no longer flow with the work. And the worse part of it is that everybody in the office is happy with the new boss. They take the job ‘seriously’ now. What a drag!”
“Can you say more about how you feel in this new situation?”
“I feel bored. Before he came, the office was alive. We turned every task into a game: Who solves this computing problem first? (It was, by the way, my own idea, but everybody liked it.) Now, everyone is so serious. They no longer tell funny stories. They no longer chat. And they love the new boss because he gives them ‘professional challenges.’ Disgusting.”
At this point the counselor must resist the temptation to search for satisfactory solutions. Philo-sophia is not in the business of producing satisfaction. Its path is the path of self-understanding, of wisdom.
The sensitive counselor will notice that George uses a very specific vocabulary: fun, exciting, natural, flow—versus bored, serious, lifeless. This suggests a common theme, or a pattern: he seeks fun. For the philo-sopher, this observation is a door to the exploration of George’s perimeter.
“It seems, George, that fun is important to you.”
Now they may start exploring this apparent pattern of fun-seeking: whether it does indeed characterize his attitudes (sometime our initial impression is mistaken), what kind of fun he seeks, how this is manifested in various situations, what feelings it is associated with, and so on. Once the pattern begins to be exposed, it is time to move on to the next step: exploring the conception (worldview, philosophy) which underlies George’s pattern.
Exercise
Think of two or three people you know, who behave differently in similar circumstances. For example, think of how two of your friends watch television and how they react to a football game, or to the news.
Now try to characterize the attitude of each one of them in those circumstances (e.g., each person’s reactions and emotions in front of the television). Write down a list of characteristics for each person and be specific as you can. Then try to see if each list can be characterized by some common theme(s), or pattern(s). The difference between these two people might help you sharpen your observations.
